You might be an Alaskan if…

Posted: 17th March 2008 by ElShaddai Edwards in Uncategorized
Comments Off on You might be an Alaskan if…

The following list was originally found here.

  1. You have ever been asked if you use Canadian/Russian currency.
  2. You have ever been asked if you live in an igloo.
  3. Power outages don’t seem to bother you.
  4. You laugh at people who wear coats when the temperature drops to 50°F.
  5. You refer to Lower-48ers as foreigners.
  6. You know what a Lower-48er is.
  7. Spam®/pilot bread/tang are part of your regular diet.
  8. You cannot imagine life without duct tape.
  9. It takes only a 15-minute drive to “get away from it all”.
  10. The town you live in is “away from it all”.
  11. You don’t understand what’s so exciting about seeing a moose wandering through the middle of town.
  12. A snowmachine/ATV is a necessity, not a luxury.
  13. A snowmachine is something you ride, not something that makes snow.
  14. Dressing up means putting on your cleanest flannel shirt.
  15. You need 4-wheel drive all year long – for the snow and ice during the winter, and the potholes during summer.
  16. Six to eight inches of snow is “a little bit”.
  17. It drives you crazy when people pronounce the “l” in salmon or the “p” in ptarmigan.
  18. It drives you crazy when people don’t pronounce both k’s in Knik.
  19. It drives you crazy when people pronounce Valdez “val-dehz” instead of “val-DEEZ”.
  20. Anything above freezing is T-shirt weather.
  21. Going outside doesn’t necessarily involve the outdoors.
  22. You’ve ever had to put on long johns, sorrels, snow pants, T-shirt, button-up flannel, light jacket, heavy coat, scarf, face mask, thick hat, and thick gloves just to walk a few blocks to the store.
  23. You think Lower-48ers are wimps for closing schools, businesses, etc., when it snows six inches.
  24. The only way to get to the town you live in is by airplane, weather permitting.
  25. Texas seems awfully small and crowded.
  26. Forget famous football/basketball/baseball players, you brag that you once met George Atla, or knew a relative of his.
  27. You know who George Atla is.
  28. You’ve had to expain that you don’t live on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean (some maps show Alaska as an inset by Hawai’i).
  29. You need to drive 150 miles to get to a town that is only 50 miles away.
  30. You think the Rocky Mountains are wimpy.
  31. You don’t even think of the Appalachian Mountains as mountains.
  32. An SUV is a necessity, not some sort of status symbol.
  33. You’ve ever told a Lower-48er that you live in an igloo, wrestle bears, wear animal skins, and eat whale blubber just to see if they believe you.
  34. …and they did.
  35. You don’t wash your car anymore, because the dirt is the only thing holding it together.
  36. You wash your car, and five minutes later it’s as dirty as it was before.
  37. You have ever hit a pothole and totaled your car.
  38. “There was a moose blocking my driveway” is an acceptable reason for being late for work or school.
  39. Akutaq is occasionally part of your school lunch.
  40. You know what akutaq is…
  41. …and you know how to make it.
  42. When you hear Lower-48ers complaining about the harshness of their winters, you know they’ve got nothing on ours.
  43. You only recognize two seasons: fishing season and waiting for fishing season.
  44. Almost everything you’ll ever need can be found at a hardware store or a sporting goods store.
  45. You need an air conditioner when the temperature soars into the 60’s.
  46. Your three-wheeler/four-wheeler/snowmachine gets more use than your car or truck.
  47. When giving someone directions, you’ve said “…and turn right when you come to the giant snow pile…”
  48. You’ve ever had a snowball fight in the summer.
  49. You’ve worn an evening gown/suit to the prom along with rubber break-up boots.
  50. “The lights are out” isn’t referring to a power outage.
  51. When the lights are out, you go outside and whistle.
  52. And you understand what this means.
  53. You’ve had a check refused in the Lower-48 because they don’t accept foreign currency.
  54. You miss school for a week because the river isn’t safe to cross.
  55. You have never seen the summer star constellations.
  56. You can tell how cold it is outside by the frost on the inside walls.
  57. It has been -20°F for two weeks, warms up to 0°F and you call it a warm spell.
  58. You laugh when the media makes a big deal about a magnitude 4 earthquake in California.
  59. You would pay $10 for an old head of lettuce.
  60. You get annoyed with movies/TV shows that have trees around Nome or polar bears in the Panhandle.
  61. You cheered for Binky.
  62. When making hotel reservations, you think nothing about asking if the room has its own private indoor plumbing.
  63. You can’t see right to drive unless you are looking through a cracked windshield.
  64. If the airplane bounces only three times, you consider it a good landing.
  65. You know the proper way to pronounce “Nunam Iqua” or “Asaacarsaq”…
  66. …you know where they are…
  67. …and you’ve been there.
  68. You drive 65 miles per hour on a winding icy road during whiteout conditions and not even flinch.
  69. You measure distance in hours, not miles.
  70. Nobody seems to notice or care if you’re at a social event wearing a camouflage hunting shirt, Carhartts, steel-toed boots, and a dirty baseball cap and you haven’t shaven all week.
  71. Your four food groups are fish, moose, Spam®, and beer.
  72. At least half of your friends have hit a moose with their truck at least once.
  73. Your idea of sexy lingerie is an unbuttoned flannel shirt.
  74. You don’t need a freezer; you just keep your frozen goods on your porch.
  75. You know at least seven ways to serve moose.
  76. You have aluminum foil over your bedroom windows.
  77. You can see the road through the holes in the floor of your pickup truck.
  78. You leave your car running all night long because you’re sure it will be too cold to start it in the morning.
  79. Everyone automatically assumes you’re a Jewel fan.
  80. You think the Red Green show is a documentary.
  81. You see nothing odd about barbecuing when the temperature is -20°.
  82. You get tired of people asking if you eat penguins.
  83. You’ve ever used your snowblower on your roof.
  84. Your brake light is a piece of red cellophane and duct tape.
  85. Your school has ever served fish head soup for lunch.
  86. You know ten ways to prepare Spam.
  87. You listen to one of Jeff Foxworthy’s You Might be a Redneck jokes and think “Hey, I’ve done that.”
  88. While on vacation in Hawai’i, you see a beautiful girl in a bikini and picture her in snowpants and a parka.
  89. You wear black steel-toes boots with your suit and tie.
  90. You don’t know anybody who doesn’t own a snowmachine or 4-wheeler.
  91. You prefer the smell of mosquito repellant over your wife’s perfume.
  92. All your clothes came from Cabelas, LL Bean, or the Salvation Army.
  93. You know at least ten words/phrases of Russian, Japanese, and/or any Native Alaskan language (i.e. Yup’ik, Inupiaq, Tlingit, et. al).
  94. You don’t look north to find the north star; you look up.
  95. Your snowblower gets more use than your lawnmower.
  96. You think it’s normal for a town to have all its businesses on one side of the road.
  97. You’ve seen antifreeze freeze.
  98. You’ve never taken your truck out of 4-wheel drive.
  99. You’ve needed to use your car’s sun visor at noon.
  100. You’ve ever washed your car in below freezing weather.
  101. You know if you tell your kids to “be home by dark” you won’t see them until Fall.
  102. You earn over $80,000 per year but still shop at Walmart.
  103. The only stores in your town that are open on Sunday are the liquor stores.
  104. You’ve had to explain more than one item on this list to somebody.

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