Be filled with the Spirit

Yesterday morning was an amazing experience of extremes. I woke up late (which I hate to do) and the boys were extraordinarily rambunctious, which I didn’t deal with very well. My wife left the house early to attend the 9:00 service before serving in the toddlers’ Sunday school room at 10:30. In her absence, the boys and I had a early morning meltdown, which resulted in us all “restarting”, sitting in the big chair together with shared tears of frustration.

Inside I was ripping myself to shreds, frustrated to point of questioning the fruits of my spirit, questioning whether I belonged at church or not. I went and, after dropping the boys off for Sunday school, found a corner of the sanctuary to sit in, trying to find a quiet place to rest and get reoriented.

I was mute during the music worship, fighting the words. Reflecting, reflecting, reflecting hard before communion… pleading to bear the fruit of the Spirit and not the foul garbage that had been evident earlier. My heart screamed as the woman in the pew in front of me read her junk mail during communion, wafer in one hand, Father’s Day ad flyer in the other.

Pastor came to the front and began his remarks. “… some of you may be having a crisis of Spirit and don’t know which way to turn … you may be questioning whether you even have the Spirit in you … you desire to be full, to experience life fully.” The sermon was on Ephesians 5:18 and being filled by the Spirit, the conclusion of a lengthy series that’s been taught on the Holy Spirit.

15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:15-20, TNIV)

At the start of the day, I felt like I had been physically and spiritually cut open and all the crap revealed, so that I experienced the extreme negative of being empty in the Spirit. Then overflowing with goodness as the word was preached and taught and I was filled with the Spirit. I will try to post a little more on the sermon specifics later this week, but the reality is that the specifics of what was said mattered little; the reality is that my heart was prepared for the message and I received it.

The preparation was painful, but at the finish of the service, I sang (finally!) and made music from my heart to the Lord, experiencing the joy of worship again. Amen!